Photo Blog: Kisses
K is for Kissing
I own none of these photos, if any belong to you, please message me and I will happily attribute or remove (whichever you’d like) I think kissing is amazing. It’s beautiful and it doesn’t matter the genders of those doing it. 🙂 That’s probably why my review blog is Smocher’s Voice. HA!
Happy Saturday,
![hot_gay_kiss_thumb[2]](https://camkennedywrites.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/hot_gay_kiss_thumb2.jpg)
I is for Ignorance and Intolerance:
Ignorance is no longer a valid excuse for being a hateful human being. If you can access the internet, you have, at your fingertips, almost unlimited information. Choose to educate yourself, especially on topics you are afraid of, on topics that make you angry or uncomfortable. Knowledge is power. As much as it annoys me to listen to some uneducated prick prattle on about what his “GOD” has to say about what I do or do not do in my bedroom, I try not to let his ignorance cause me to have a violent or vitriolic reaction. Because me reacting to his ignorance and intolerance towards me would cause people to say I was being intolerant of his religious beliefs.
Let me explain something to you. When you are using your religion as a weapon to destroy and demean other people then you are the one who suffers. Eventually, we will evolve past the need to whack people over the head with biblical texts, that are taken out of context to begin with. Intolerance and ignorance is UGLY and Hateful, and if you belief so much in the God you purport to, then it is you that might be surprised when you get to Judgment Day.. That, of course, being said isn’t what I truly believe.
Ask yourself if holding on to your beliefs so hard makes you a better person. Does it? Does it make me LESS of a person that the next person? (Hint: the answer to the second question is HELL NO) Your beliefs take nothing away from me as a human being. Just like my ability to marry my girlfriend, or for my friend to marry his boyfriend takes NOTHING away from your beliefs. As evidenced, the world is changing, becoming more accepting. Someday you will have been standing on the wrong side of history.
H is for Health:
Let’s face it. Many LGBT people are either uninsured or under-insured. A scary prospect when in our community we are at higher risk for some things. Yes, HIV/AIDS is on the list but that’s not all. We are at higher risk for depression, anxiety disorders, alcoholism and drug addiction. All of these things can lead to other diseases and addictions.
How many people in the LGBT community DON’T have some sort of baggage. Not many. I’m not going to get into statistics, or details. You can check out the CDC website for all sorts of pertinent information about risks etc. The thing is that we have take care of ourselves, because believe it or not, that younger generation is watching what we do.
Let’s briefly talk about sexual health. I don’t know how many times, how many ways I can SCREAM this from the rooftops. PROTECT YOURSELF!! Don’t rely on someone else to take the initiative when it comes to your sexual health. Carry your own condoms, even if you aren’t the one using them. USE THEM.. Make sure your sexual partner uses them. Ladies.. Seriously Condoms on the toys, Dental Dams. Latex gloves. and for EVERYBODY: Know your status. Get tested regularly for HIV and STI’s. No seriously, your life could depend on it.
My Transgender women.. You are at the HIGHEST rate and risk for HIV. Protect yourselves ladies, you are worth it.
And if you get infected: please seek treatment.
Okay onto Depression: There is no shame in seeking help. Some burdens are far too heavy to carry on your own. Having depression and getting treatment doesn’t make you weak. It makes you damned smart. If you feel like harming yourself please, please, please call 1-800-273-8255 (the National Suicide Prevention Hotline) or you can access their website here http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ You are needed and wanted, please don’t snuff your light out too soon.
Alcohol and Drug addiction: Oh this subject hits close to home for me. I am an alcoholic. It is something I struggle with daily, even almost 10 years past the last time I was fall on my ass crazy drunk. I’m a happy drunk. I was a functioning one, but I decided that I didn’t want to live my life at the bottom of a bottle, I got help and I got sober. It’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. You have to want it. You have to want it for yourself. It’s not something you can do for anyone else. You have to wake up EACH DAY even ten years later and decide that you are going to get through it clean and sober. If you can’t do it a day at a time, You do it hours, minutes, seconds at a time until you are strong enough. Addiction is sneaky. It creeps up on you. Especially if you are doing well. The moment that you let your guard down there it is whispering in your ear ready to slip back in like it never left. Many of us use substances to numb ourselves to our inner pain. Let me tell you, as soon as you are sober, that pain will be there waiting for you. You have to face your demons and rip them out of your soul if you have to. Often times though especially if you are dealing with trauma, you have to learn to accept yourself as you are. to love yourself AS YOU ARE, flaws and all. You have to learn to love the skin you’re in because if you can’t love yourself, You can’t love anyone else.
I think I’ve gotten a little off track, but you get the point, I hope. I love you all. You are beautiful. You are worth it. You are amazing. ❤
G is for Grateful.
This is going to be a short post. This is just a short little note to let my friends know how very much they mean to me. I love you guys so much because without you I think I might have lost myself. I certainly wouldn’t have had the courage to come as far as I have. Every word of kindness and encouragement is needed and cherished.
Thank you for encouraging me to write. Thank you for keeping me from giving up when that would be infinitely easier than trying to stamp my soul onto a computer screen. Thank you for being bright and shining flames when the darkness keeps encroaching. Thank you for loving me, supporting me, and being my other family.
You may think that all your small gestures, comments, likes, etc mean nothing, but they mean everything. I love you all. You are all my heroes. Kindness costs us nothing, and the more you give it away, the more it multiplies… kinda like love. 😉
Sunday was the official day off from blogging, and I pretty much tried to decide all day what topic I was going to tackle today. It was pretty much decided on my facebook that I should talk about family. So here we go
F is for Family:
Family, some of us are born into great families that nurture and love us no matter what, but the sad reality is that a lot of people in the LGBT community are forced to either fit themselves into a mould or to lose their blood relations. I talked last Thursday about coming out, ad I told a little bit of my story. I told you how my family was great and accepting. But here’s the thing, I waited until I had two failed marriages and 3 kids before I came out at 30. I can honestly say that if I would have come out sooner, I’m not sure that my family would have been as accepting. You see, my sister came out as bisexual first. 4 years before I would be brave enough. Not only that but my mother had breast cancer, and her mother passed away. We lost a few friends over in Iraq and Afghanistan. Life taught us that it was short, and we had to love each other and hold on to one another. I think that if I would have come out in my teen years it would have been a lot more disastrous for me and my relationships with them.
I also grew up in a military household. One that while strict, was pretty fair. We didn’t judge people by where they came from our what religion they practiced. Their color and financial situation never mattered. Everyone wore the uniform and were treated equally. We also learned how to make our friends into the family that we chose because any blood relations were thousands of miles away. I grew up in a home where the important “aunts” and “uncles” were of no real relation to me, but some of those people are still in my life and important to me today. If I would have lost my blood family then it would have hurt deeply but I had been given to skill set to build another life for myself.
Not everyone is so lucky. Especially when they are young and sheltered and seemingly loved, until they do the unforgivable. They are born Gay or Lesbian or Bisexual or Transgender. They are born different, but many times it’s not physically apparent. It’s a secret that grows inside our hearts and when we finally get the courage to BE ourselves, there are people in our lives that tell us that we are wrong, abominations, going to hell. We are beat over the head with religious doctrine sometimes literally, and then we are cut adrift to fend for ourselves outside the bosom of family.
As a community we’ve learned to embrace each other. To become “family”. Are we perfect? No, but what family is. We are evolving and changing and learning and growing. We have to band together because no matter what our differences are, we ARE a family and a community. Sometimes we need to be more inclusive. We tend to leave our Transgender brothers and sisters to the side, and we need to better embrace our people of color, and maybe the less physically perfect. We know what it feels like to be shunned, so what business do we have doing it to anyone else?
As the laws and world is changing more and more LGBT couples are creating their own families, whether through adoption, surrogacy, or other means. Our family is growing. It’s also embracing more and more straight allies. If we keep it up we will all become one family.. So if you are out there and you are lost and confused, please reach out. Don’t hide yourself away in the dark.
Originally I was going to write about Equality, but really I need a fun day.. so….
E is for Entertainers
I could add a list or photos of out entertainers but I won’t. All you have to do is run a google search. We are out there.. A Lot of us.
A straight friend asked recently why the news had to run all these stories about “pointless” celebrities coming out. I told him because it’s still news. Because there are kids still being bullied and committing suicide and being thrown away by their families because of their sexual orientation. Something that we have no power to change. We were born this way.
Every time a sports figure, or actor, or singer, or someone in the public spotlight stands up and says, Hey I’m gay, I’m bisexual, I’m transgender, It gives someone out there some hope that they aren’t alone. That if that famous person can stand up to the public scrutiny then they can get through whatever they are going through.
Never mistake that taking down that wall is easy. Everything in a famous person’s life seems to be fodder for public consumption, and ridicule. When someone in the limelight comes out they are letting you, the public, into a very private part of their lives. Someday it won’t be news. Someday it won’t matter, but today, here and now, these people are paving the way to acceptance.
There are very few people in the LGBT community that haven’t stared discrimination in the face. In fact it’s almost like a right of passage. What names were you called? Did you get bullied or bashed? Have you lost a job? Have you been denied a place to live? Have you lost friends? Have you lost your family?
I’m “Lucky”. Sure I was called a lesbian and dyke in Middle School and High School. I have never been physically assaulted due to my sexual preference. However, I was extremely conscious to of the discrimination that LGBT people faced. During middle school and high school I went mostly to a very, very small school in rural Missouri. I was raised in the Catholic Church. I was also extremely close to my Catholic grandmother who didn’t like different. I was also a military brat who had decided at a very young age that my plan for life included a career in the military. I learned young how to hide in plain site. To date boys. To conform to societal pressures. I was voted most likely to become an actress my senior year of high school. They had no idea that I already was. I wasn’t the most popular girl, but neither was I unpopular.
I graduated high school in 1998. I was in basic training when Matthew Shepard was murdered. It cemented in my mind that different was unacceptable. I couldn’t be different. After training accident ended my budding military service, I married my best friend, and I later married another man. Long story short, I didn’t “come out” until I was 30 years old. I lived my life TERRIFIED of what other people would think. I finally came to the conclusion that living my life authentically was more important than some of the discrimination I might face. I do still worry about how my children will be perceived, but I don’t dwell on it.
I am one of the “lucky” ones. I’ve had friends that have been beaten, spit on, etc. Not just by homophobic strangers but by the very people that want to use their bible like a weapon as they spew hate and poison. Even MORE highly discriminated are our Trans* brothers and sisters, and even more than that any people of color that identify on the spectrum face further discrimination. I think that it’s amazing here in our country that the Same Sex Marriage movement has gained so much headway, and it feels as though we are winning slowly but surely, but I think that perhaps we jumped the gun. We are rushing towards marriage equality at what seems at times a breakneck pace, yet we still haven’t achieved full equality in the workplace, not to mention housing discrimination.
Also (and I’ll be talking about this subject a lot this month) as being LGBT gains more acceptance, kids are coming out at younger and younger ages, and their homophobic parents are throwing these kids out on the street. LGBTQIA youth are at higher risk for drug and alcohol abuse, suicide, sexual exploitation, and homelessness. The actual statistics are HORRIFYING!
I am grateful for how lucky I’ve been in having a family that was open and accepting. I lost very few friends when I came out. I received almost overwhelming support, but I am ever aware that not everyone in our community is so lucky.
C is for Coming out
Coming out is when you tell your friends, family, boss, etc that you are gay or bi or whatever. It’s often thought of by the straight community as this event, and sometimes the gay community too. The truth is that most of us have to come out or decide whether or not to come out whenever we meet new people, get a new job, move to a new city or apartment. Unfortunately in many states here in the US it is still legal to deny jobs and housing based solely on a person’s sexual orientation.
Coming out can have many stages, and it’s intensely personal. It’s important to realize that even if your family rejects you or your coming out that you KNOW that their is nothing wrong with you. You aren’t broken or damaged or a sinner. You are beautiful just the way you are, and with luck you will find someone just as beautiful as yourself. Don’t beat yourself up for other people’s failings.
As we make strides in battling against the tide of homophobia, young people are coming out earlier and earlier. Part of the problem with this is that homophobic parents are also turning out their young teens earlier and earlier. It is estimated that 40% of minors living on the street identify as LGBT. I plan to expand on this subject when I hit “H”
Here is an interesting video portraying coming out from different perspectives:
It’s your life. Live it Authentically.
Day 2: B is for Bisexual
adjective \(ˌ)bī-ˈsek-sh(ə-)wəl, -shəl\
: sexually attracted to both men and women
: having both male and female sex parts
: relating to or involving two sexes
** People having both sex parts is more often known as Intersex or Hermaphraditic
Bisexual people have the potential to have sexual relationships or attraction to both males and females. One of the most annoying and incorrect responses to someone saying that they are bisexual is to say, “there is no such thing, or you are really (insert straight or gay here) and just haven’t figured it out yet.” A bisexual person dating either the same or opposing sex doesn’t make them any less bisexual, it just means that they are in a monogamous relationship with their person of choice.
Bisexuals tend to be discriminated against by both Heterosexual and homosexual communities. They often receive a lot of backlash for being “wishy-washy”,”greedy”, “slutty”… The list goes on and on.
Why is it that we have to stick a LABEL on everything? I know people in the LG community that absolutely WOULD NOT date a Bi person. They fear that eventually it is inevitable for this person to leave them for a heterosexual partner. They FEAR. I’ve found that all too often FEAR and HATE are gripping each other’s hands. Its time to let it go. The thing is that with a Bi person, is it possible they will leave for a heterosexual relationship.. yes, but its JUST as possible that they will leave for a homosexual one.
Is society more lenient of Bisexual people versus Homosexual people? I think it all depends upon perspective.. There is a stigma attached to it on both sides of the homo/hetero fence. The thing is that the RAINBOW symbol is supposed to symbolize how many diversities there are in this world. Lesbian, Gay, Bi, Trans*, Questioning… we are all looking for the SAME thing. Love and acceptance.
Maybe this is particularly an issue for me, who for many years identified at Bisexual. I am more attracted to women then men, despite having had longer lasting relationships with men. But by and large I was trying to fit myself into a role that I thought society would APPROVE of. At this time its easier to say that I’m a lesbian, even though I probably Identify NOW more as a pansexual. I am open to finding love where ever it presents itself. The outer trappings are very secondary to the inner workings of the person.
Anyway.. the video below is just over a minute in Length.. Check it out! (note, I found this on the web, it is not mine, nor is it my intellectual property, I just think it rockc
Cam Kennedy Writes 